6 Brutal Truths That Will Make You a Better Parent
(WARNING: This one's gonna hurt)
Let’s be really honest: most parenting advice is soft. It’s polite. It’s coddling.
And that’s exactly why it doesn’t work.
Either that or it’s so unrealistically unsustainable that it sets you up for a guilt spiral when you inevitably fall short of being the Instagram mom of the year.
But let’s be honest. Most of it is bullshit—and you know it.
Even when you follow all the cute little tips, tricks, and gentle phrasing hacks... deep down—like, when you're not being emotionally hijacked by a reel about “repair”—you know something’s off.
It’s like socialism.
Sounds amazing in theory. (Kind of…I guess)
But when it hits real human nature? It folds like a cheap IKEA shelf.
You’ve probably read enough parenting books to earn an honorary degree in Overthinking While Overwhelmed.
You’ve mastered redirection. You’ve tiptoed around tantrums like a hostage negotiator. You’ve whispered boundaries like they’re sacred incantations.
“Sweetheart, we don’t use that tone.”
Only for your kid to double down and repeat themselves slooooower—as if you’re too dense to get it.
You don’t want to control them. You just want to feel like they respect you.
You’re not trying to be authoritarian. You just want the eye rolls to stop!
You want an incredible relationship with your kid, but it’s hard not to feel like you’re slowly losing control of the entire household.
If your emotional bandwidth is running on fumes and the last thing you had for dinner was your kid’s leftover chicken nuggets dipped in shame…
This is the intervention you didn’t know you needed.
These 6 truths will sting. You’ll want to argue with at least three of them. Maybe four.
And that’s a good thing.
That little spark of defensiveness? That’s the doorway to transformation.
So let’s rip the Band-Aid off together—and get to the real shit that actually works.
Truth #1: Your Kid Is Not the Problem—Your Reactions Are.
If your kid screaming, refusing, or throwing attitude immediately makes your blood boil, let’s get one thing straight:
They’re not triggering you.
They’re revealing the parts of yourself you still haven’t dealt with.
Ouch, I know. But stay with me.
When your kid ignores your instructions, it’s easy to say, “They never listen.”
But the truth? You likely taught them that listening isn’t required—through inconsistency, over-explaining, or backing down when they pushed hard enough.
Your child didn’t create the chaos. They adapted to it.
This isn’t about blame—it’s about power. Because if it’s your reactions driving the system, then changing you changes everything.
When you get calm, consistent, and emotionally grounded, your kid has no chaos to bounce off of. Their power struggles lose oxygen. Their antics hit a wall of neutrality.
You’re not powerless here. You’re the thermostat. The system doesn’t shift until you do.
And once you do? Everything else starts falling in line.
Truth #2: The Process Matters More Than the Content
Here’s a marriage and family therapy truth bomb: content is noise, process is power.
You can talk until you're blue in the face about why something matters or how much you “just want them to understand”—but if your process teaches your kid that rules are optional, or that your word doesn’t actually mean action, that’s what sticks. Kids aren’t evaluating your message—they’re tracking the pattern.
You want to be heard? You have to shift the way you show up.
Because guess what? Kids aren’t responding to your carefully worded explanations. They’re responding to the pattern of what happens when they push, protest, or pout.
This is where most parents get stuck. They believe the problem is in the content of their lectures:
“If I could just explain this better…”
“If I say it calmer, maybe they’ll get it…”
"If I am gentle and attuned they will totally get my love and respond in kind..."
But behavior doesn’t change from better explanations. It changes when your child experiences a new process.
Process means:
You calmly follow through instead of emotionally reacting.
You say less, and enforce more.
You hold space without folding.
Intentions are noble. But let’s be honest—good intentions often mask avoidance. The real change comes when you stop parenting from a place of guilt, and start parenting from a place of grounded clarity.
That’s what builds trust. That’s what builds security.
Because in your house, your process is the curriculum. And your kid is learning every single day.
Truth #3: Empathy Without Accountability Breeds Resentment.
Let’s get something clear: empathy is not weakness. But misplaced empathy? That’s a landmine.
When you consistently make excuses for your child’s behavior because “they’ve had a hard day,” or “they’re sensitive,” or “it’s just a phase,” you are training them to expect understanding without responsibility.
That’s not empathy. That’s enabling.
And it doesn’t just mess with them—it starts eating you alive.
You start resenting them. Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells. Giving more than you get.
Empathy is supposed to connect us, not drain us.
I coined the phrase, "validate the feelings verbally, don't accommodate them physically."
“I know you’re frustrated, and there are still consequences for hitting your sister.”
“I get that this feels unfair, and the answer is still no.”
That kind of empathy builds character. It teaches that being seen and held doesn’t mean being let off the hook.
When you marry empathy with accountability, your child feels understood—but also challenged. Supported—but also expected to grow.
And that’s what they actually need.
Remember validate, don't accommodate.
Truth #4: Compliance Is a Trap—Accountability Is the Exit.
A lot of well-meaning parents want peace so badly, they settle for compliance. Their kid follows the rules—kind of. Doesn’t fight back—at least not loudly. So they assume things are “working.”
But here’s the trap: compliance doesn’t build character. It builds kids who are good at managing optics and avoiding punishment
Worse, that well-behaved kid becomes a chronic people-pleaser. They get steamrolled in relationships, can’t hold their ground, and think love is earned through performance—not presence.
Standing up and exerting some level of individuality is a threat to being loved...
Additionally, that compliance turns into manipulation, sneakiness, or apathy. Why? Because they aren’t owning their choices—they’re just avoiding consequences or trying to gain approval.
Both of which is terrifying just in different ways!
Accountability shifts that. It says: “You don’t have to like this principle—but you are going to be held to it. Because you are capable and its going to give you more pride.”
It puts kids in a position of influence over their outcomes. And that is what creates self esteem.
Hence the word self in self-esteem—you can’t gift it, praise it into existence, or control it. It’s built through real-life feedback loops where kids learn, mess up, and step up again.
Punishment is personal. It is saying “I want to get back at you for hurting me.”
Accountability is about their growth—and a standard they feel proud to meet. It creates dignity, not dependence.
. One is about you getting even. The other is about them stepping up and feeling intrinsic motivation that lasts a lifetime.
You want long-term change? Stop demanding blind obedience. Start building emotional ownership.
Truth #5: You’re Raising an Adult, Not a Child.
You’re not raising a kid.
You’re raising someone’s future partner, roommate, coworker, or boss.
Here’s the brutal truth most people never say out loud:
No one outside of your family is going to love them unconditionally.
So if you’re the one excusing bad behavior, caving to every meltdown, or letting disrespect slide “because they’re tired,” just know this—you're setting the precedent.
What you allow becomes what they expect the world to allow, too.
When they roll their eyes at you and you let it slide? They learn that’s how to treat women—or men—in a relationship.
When they throw a tantrum and you give in? They learn that emotional intensity gets them what they want.
When you over-accommodate because you “feel bad”? They internalize the idea that people who love them will tolerate their worst without accountability.
Now fast forward 10 years…
They’re blowing up at a boss who won’t bend the rules. Ghosting a partner who sets boundaries. Complaining that “no one understands them,” when really—they just don’t understand themselves because no one held a mirror up early enough.
The world has expectations. Relationships have conditions. Healthy love requires effort, self-awareness, and mutual respect.
And guess what? The training ground for all of that… is your home.
You’re not just managing a child. You’re mentoring someone who will one day hold another person’s heart in their hands.
So raise them like that matters. Because it does.
You’re setting the precedent for what they think others should tolerate to feel loved…let that sink in.
Truth #6: Differentiation, Not Disconnection, Is What Heals the System.
Let’s talk family systems for a second.
Differentiation is the ability to stay connected to your family while maintaining your own beliefs, identity, and emotions—even when the heat turns up.
Most people think the only way to find peace is to pull away, cut off, or become emotionally flat. But that’s not healing. That’s avoidance.
The real flex is being able to stay present, hold your values, and not collapse into old roles—even when your family tries to guilt-trip you back into them.
This is especially true in parenting. Your child is going to test you emotionally. They’ll push, protest, provoke. Your job is to remain steady—not reactive. To hold the boundary without becoming brittle.
Differentiation looks like:
Being calm even when others are not.
Holding your position without needing approval.
Choosing connection without self-sacrifice.
It’s not cold. It’s not rigid. It’s strong.
When parents model differentiation, kids learn they can be loved and separate. They don’t have to perform to earn connection. They don’t have to rebel to find independence.
They become emotionally solid adults who can handle feedback, boundaries, and real-life pressure.
Instead, go pro-boundary. Go pro-accountability. Go pro-differentiation.
Because true transformation doesn’t come from pulling away.
It comes from showing up differently—and staying that way.
Final Note:
I know. This is a lot.
You might be feeling a little called out. Maybe a little defensive.
I’m differentiated so please send me hate mail if you’re so inclined :)
That’s okay.
This isn’t about shame—it’s about strategy.
It’s about letting go of what’s comfortable and stepping into what’s effective.
Your kids don’t need perfection. They need leadership.
You can do this.
And when you do? Your whole family shifts. Not because your kid got easier—but because you got better.